


Afterschool Special

by zzzzzzzo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: British!Karkat, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, Schoolstuck, albino!Karkat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 13:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzzzzzo/pseuds/zzzzzzzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two young men in mutual oblivious crush are alone in detention together. Naturally a ridiculous amount of both silliness and drama goes down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afterschool Special

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, two posts in two days? I am on a roll! This is actually a few months old, I just haven't gotten around to HTMLing it until now because I hate HTML. So much. I did post it on Tumblr back when it was new and shiny though, so if you'd like you could read it there as well: http://zzzzzzzo.tumblr.com/post/64897338880/afterschool-special I hope you enjoy! :D

It's official.

 

Karkat Vantas has the worst luck in the world. Big surprise there, huh? This news will hit headlines, someone call a reporter, please, no cameras, the world doesn't deserve something as horrible as his stupid face to be broadcast across it.

 

How is it he has the worst luck in the world, you ask? To explain in full detail would take up much more time than is available, so you can save yourself that anguish for another day. To paraphrase, few friends, struggling in the financial sense, mutated genes, and an awful personality to boot are just a few of the things that had already had Karkat in line for the gold. To top it all off, as if he really needed more, he is now stuck in detention.

 

Without a teacher.

 

Alone with the optimistic, buck-toothed best-friend-crush boy of his dreams who is a self proclaimed not-homosexual.

 

Just.

 

Bloody.

 

Great.

 

Except not at all, it's inhumanly awkward and Karkat can feel his heart pounding a mile a minute in the uncomfortable silence. Yes, you heard right, silence. It's shocking, considering that normally the two of them couldn't shut their mouths to save their lives. As annoying as it could be, Karkat sort of really wished John would start talking. It was never awkward speaking to him, engaged in a heated debate about movies, interrupting each other like it's going out of style, those impossibly blue eyes good natured and that over-sized grin in place even as Karkat cursed John and his lineage...

 

Ugh, shut up brain. No daydreaming about the boy when he's mere feet away from Karkat; and when Karkat was... staring at John. The red-eyed boy was blinking out of his unseeing haze just as John caught him looking. He glanced up at Karkat from his absentminded doodling and blinked, all soft edges and naïve curiosity. That quickly faded, to be replaced by a mischievous grin and raised eyebrows.

 

“Like what you see?” Karkat flushed and sputtered incoherently while the jerk even had the audacity to laugh at him. Stupid John. Stupid, stupid John Egbert with his horrible taste and his obnoxious friends and that flyaway black hair (what would it feel like to run his hands through it? Is it soft?) and that stupidly beautiful smile that caused the dimple in his right cheek, that stupid laugh that even if it was at his own expense Karkat couldn't hate, no matter how hard he tried. Bluh. Crushes are seriously the worst.

 

“No! I mean, no, I wasn't staring at you, not no, you're unattractive-not that I'm saying you _are_ attractive necessarily, just-I'm not going to comment on your appearance right now, okay? Let's save ourselves that unnecessary bloodshed. It'd be like that book by Dr Seuss where the people fight over fucking toast or some shit, an utterly pointless and just as painful endeavor, so I-ugh. Great job, Karkat. Way to make this even more awkward than before.”

 

“Dude, lighten up, it's fine. It's not your fault no one can resist ~this~.”

 

“You put those eyebrows back down right the fuck now or I will rip each individual hair out one by one and use a hot glue gun to place them slightly lower on your face where they belong.

 

\---

 

Things returned to silence once John lowered his brows back into their original state (not without rolling his eyes heavily and giggling). After a few seconds of the quiet, Karkat grumbled something John couldn't quite make out and buried his still red face into a book: Twilight, of all things. It was bad enough Karkat preferred boring, cheesy, romance stuff to action and totally awesome explosions, but what made it even more atrocious was a lot of the media Karkat liked was _really awful_. Not that John had actually read or watched anything closely enough to judge it (he usually fell asleep when it was Karkat's turn to pick on their epic movie nights) but he had a good sense of intuition, damn it! Karkat had spent a whole _hour_ last week gushing about Fifty Shades of Gray, for Christ's sake.

 

He's lucky he's cute. And funny, and smart, and kind beneath all the shouting, and in a way the most amazing person John has ever met. There had been a time when he had kind of hated Karkat for causing John to like the boy so much. There he was in sixth grade, living a good life safe within the sociological norms, and then some grumpy British kid just _had_ to move there and turn everything upside down. John had been fine with thinking some boys were attractive before then, sure, but Karkat was the first (and only, so far) that John had sort of really wanted to kiss.

 

Like, right on the mouth.

 

And so the bisexuality crisis of 2006 was triggered. He had thought that if he acted like he hated Karkat, he would be able to actually hate him, or at least not like him as much as he did. John had been really stupid and took it too far, Karkat had almost moved back to England, tears were shed, and now, at thirteen, the two were best bros for life. It's a long story and John had never stopped wondering how Karkat could not hate him to this day after all that.

 

He had also never stopped being so, so glad that he didn't. Karkat was seriously the best, and John wasn't sure what he'd do with himself if this totally awesome guy disliked him. Said awesome guy was currently completely enamored with his book, eyes huge, lips mouthing along with the words he was reading, his previous embarrassment completely forgotten. It's kind of beautiful to see him so wrapped up in what he's reading, and kind of hilarious to know he's so invested in something so dumb. It's also the perfect pranking opportunity.

 

John grinned, rising from his seat silently and tiptoeing his way over until he was less than a foot away from Karkat. John's eyes flicked between the white-haired boy's mouth and the page. It was pretty easy to tell where Karkat was in the book, especially when the pale boy started to murmur the words under his breath, apparently unaware of what he was doing. John could practically feel his Prankster's Gambit rising through the roof as he waited. Then, when it was the proper time, he leaned forward, close enough to Karkat's ear he could feel the light hairs tickling his nose, and whispered, “Say it. Out loud.”

 

Karkat jumped up so fast his shoulder banged into John's chin. _Ouch_. The albino boy's strangled yelp-shriek quickly morphed into curses spat out fast enough to become unrecognizable. Slowly, Karkat turned to John, red eyes wild, shoulders hunched to his ears, teeth bared in an animal-like way that would probably be threatening if it weren't for Karkat's (totally adorable) braces. As it was, he was quite a sight to behold. John was undaunted, however. Karkat got angry at him on an almost hourly basis. This wasn't nearly the worst he'd seen of the shorter boy.

 

“A raging arsehat is what you are,” Karkat practically snarled, standing on the balls of his feet so he was eye-to-eye with the other boy, face less than an inch from John's, visible spit flecks flying from his mouth, which was kind of gross but John figured protesting would probably make it worse so, eh.

 

“What the actual fuck, Egbert,” the teen continued in a rage, flailing around in exaggerated hand gestures (which actually looked pretty silly!). “What _ever_ possessed you to do that? 'Oh, look, here's this boy I have the misfortune of calling my friend actually enjoying himself for once, I had better make him wet himself!' Yeah, what a bloody _great_ plan from a bloody _great_ guy. I can't stand the sight of your smug-ass face. I'm surprised that every time I look at you my eyes don't recoil, perhaps even melting into a sizzling pink fluid, dripping down my shirt and onto my lap. I hope you're willing to pay my fucking dry-cleaning bill, Egbert, considering all the damage you've done to these poor, poor jeans. Already they have been covered in eye juice, urine, and feces from when I shat myself out of surprised outrage, and vomit will soon be added to the list if I continue looking at your stupid face for an extended period of time.”

 

“Dude, did you actually wet yourself?” If that was the case, this would be a whole new level of Prankster's Gambit. He kind of wanted to check, but looking at another guys crotch? Awkward. Karkat would probably kill him anyway.... Speaking of, the English teen was now diving headfirst into a x2 facepalm combo.

 

“Are you actually fucking serious. Of all the things I just said, _that's_ the one you feel warrants comment. Not that I'm enraged to the point of plotting your demise, not that you should probably apologize, but the thought of hypothetical urine in my pants. Were you unconscious when you sorted your priorities or were you just born this fucking stupid?” His anger had been reduced to a weary, oh-god-why-do-I-of-all-people-have-to-deal-with-this-idiocy-please-kill-me-now-and-put-me-out-of-my-misery voice, his face still in his hands and his head shaking slowly, so that was a start! It's a relief that Karkat's calming down. As hilarious as he is angry, John couldn't help the slightest twinge of guilt, which is sort of silly, but hey, this is the boy he has a bit of an enormous crush on, so he can't help loving to see him happy.

 

Okay, though it still is pretty funny when he's mad.

 

“It's an important thing to ask! You might have needed to get a new pair or something. And yeah, it'd be hilarious too.” Karkat glowered at John over his hands. “Don't give me that look! You would've thought the same if our roles were reversed.”

 

“That's different.” Karkat's voice was slightly muffled by his palms.

 

“How?”

 

“In that scenario, you're the one with misfortune instead of me.” Karkat should have sounded like a not-at-all-lovable jerk at that statement, but it was then he removed his hands from his face to throw John that small, lopsided grin of his, and how could John feel anything but adoration for something so precious?

 

“Jeez, don't be such a butt. I'm sorry for scaring you, okay?”

 

“No, _you're_ a butt. And I wasn't _scared_ , I was _startled_. There's a difference.

 

John rolled his eyes. “Sure, bro, whatever you say.”

 

Karkat grumbled something illegible and lightly punched John in the shoulder. To anyone else, he would've seemed angry, but by now John knew Karkat well enough to read the signs. The boy in front of him, with a scowl in place on principle and eyebrows relaxed rather than drawn, was not mad. He was actually in one of the best moods John had ever seen him in, which was kind of... weird. It was great and all, but still, good moods usually didn't follow John pranking him. Maybe Karkat was just happy about something unrelated? Whatever the case, watching the English boy sink back down in his seat, sideways in order to continue facing John, felt good. It was really, really nice to see Karkat content.

 

Their bro-bonding moment seemed to fade as Karkat's trademark scowl faded into something like confusion, or even worry. Oh, right, Karkat had sat back down, and John was kind of just standing there, staring down at him. The taller boy felt like he should do something, but his only idea at the moment was to kiss the other boy right on the mouth, and now certainly wasn't the time for that.

 

“...John? You okay?” Karkat's voice shook John from his thoughts. It was amazing. All barriers down, a look of concern on his face, totally unguarded and sincere and so, so beautiful, and John's mind was gone again, zeroed in on those full lips that were slightly red from being bitten as they were now. It would be so easy to just lean down and....

 

“John? Hey! What's up with you today?” John had made up his mind. He was going to confess right the heck now. He's doing it man. He's making this _happen!_

 

“Karkat,” John said, causing the boy he's addressing to jump slightly and eye John warily, “can we talk about something? That's sort of important? Like,” John plunked himself down into the seat in front of Karkat's, turned around to face the pale boy, “right now?”

 

“...I'll probably regret this, but sure.”

 

“Oh. Okay. Um...” John twiddled his thumbs nervously, eyes averted. “I was actually expecting you to go off on some long tirade so I could have time to mentally prepare myself, so I'm kind of on the spot here.”

 

Karkat raised an eyebrow impatiently. “Not my bloody problem. You brought this up, you talk about whatever it is. Or drop it, if you want to, and save it for a later date; you don't have to talk about it right now if you don't feel comfortable. I'm not going to fucking rant just for your peace of mind though.”

 

“Heh, okay. I mean, you sort of just did, but I guess not really, it was shorter and had less insults than normal, but still-”

 

“John. The point. You really need to get there soon, we're running late. Why couldn't you just fucking ask for directions? That bloody map of yours is messed up, whoever made it must have been high or something. That, accompanied with your negative IQ, leads me to believe we'll arrive at the point at approximately five after never.”

 

“Pfft. You totally just rant rambled at me-”

 

“ _John_.” Karkat glared at the black-haired boy and bared his teeth.

 

“Did you just growl at me? That's so cute.” John's teasing smile softened into something warmer, affectionate. “ _You're_ so cute.”

 

Karkat's jaw dropped, several incoherent noises escaping the back of his throat. His face was flushed and his eyes wide. “I. That. That is not true, and entirely irrelevant. You said this was serious, if all you're going to do is prank me then-”

 

“I'm not! This actually is kind of the point. I sort of find you really, really attractive and you're also super awesome and nice and funny and I was wondering if you wanted to, like, date or something since I've had this huge crush on you since sixth grade.”

 

\---

 

Karkat was speechless, a rare thing for someone so wordy. John's confession had been spoken in a rush, his face going pinker and pinker until it was beet red, and Karkat was sure his own wasn't much better. _How...?_ It didn't make sense, why would someone as stunning (albeit idiotic) as John like someone like Karkat? The white-haired teen was almost always yelling, sometimes with a large vocabulary and impressive sentences and sometimes while tripping over his words and pausing awkwardly for breath, though nearly always angry whichever way he spoke. He is an unattractive wanker who doesn't know how to calm down and shut up, and there are just so many negative qualities he has on obvious display, and just, just, why? Not to mention....

 

“Not a homosexual?” Karkat's voice was hoarse but he managed to keep his tone flat, controlled. John's face went, if possible, even redder.

 

“Haha, um, you see, I kind of thought that... before I met you.” Karkat remained unconvinced, torn between arguing against the statement or swooning because, really, that sounded like a line straight from one of his romances.

 

John must have noticed Karkat's expression, because he continued, “It's true! I mean, I had sort of found guys attractive before, but I thought it was just normal to think that a certain amount? Not that it's abnormal to be attracted to the same gender, just... you know.... Anyways, it wasn't until I met you that I really wanted to like... I dunno, kiss a guy, and- _ugh_ , this so hard to talk about- date one, and stuff.”

 

“...Oh.” _Very coherent of you, Karkat. Really, someone give this man a medal. You are the smoothest person on Earth. It's you_. “Wow.”

 

“Y-yeah, wow.” At least John seemed just as nervous. “So do you wanna like... be my boyfriend?” He chuckled, to high pitched to be calm and just too bloody _perfect_. “Heh, that sounds kind of weird. Um. Do you?”

 

“Yes.” The word was barely a whisper. Louder, Karkat said, “Hell fucking yes I want to be your boyfriend.” Karkat's eyes darted to the side, and his face was probably blotchy by now from all the blushing he seemed to be doing today. “I've... actually like you for a while now too.” John's eyes flicked wider with surprise.

 

“Really? But you're always saying you hate me! I mean, I know you don't mean it since we're best bros and all, but a long time ago it really seemed like you-”

 

“Well, Past Me's a fucking idiot. I've said so before.”

 

“I guess.” John grinned warmly. “ _I_ think Past You is pretty cute, personally.”

 

“Are you trying to make me my own love rival now. Is that actually a thing that is happening.” Karkat spoke in a completely deadpan manner.

 

“No way man! I think all the yous are cute.”

 

“Don't say it. Don't you fucking _dare_ say it-”

 

“ _All of them_.”

 

“Is there any way to make you shut up because I would very much like to hear it. Actually, read it. The ultimate goal is for you to stop talking, so you telling me is somewhat counterproductive.”

 

“Well I guess-”

 

“Nope.”

 

“-you'll have to-”

 

“ _Shut up_.”

 

“-occupy my mouth in some other way.”

 

“For the love of God John _please_ -” Whoa. Troy Bolton 'hold up' moment all up in here. What had John just said? Oh man. Oh God. Oh _man_. It was almost certain at this point that Karkat's face was doomed to be permanently scarlet from now on. Why were they both blushing so much of late anyway? It was so dumb, like they were in some really horrible fanfiction. Whatever. “Wait. Do you mean...?”

 

“Well yeah. I mean....” John faltered. For all his confident words from earlier, he sure was nervous. “We're like, dating now, right? So that's a thing we could, or maybe even should, be doing.... Unless you don't wanna! That'd be totally cool too. Chill like ice.”

 

“OfcourseIwanttowhothefuckdoyouthinkyou'retalkingto.” John blinked. Karkat coughed lightly and added, “But you have to initiate it.”

 

“What? No way! I was the one who confessed, you owe me a period of not being the one to do the embarrassing stuff.”

 

“Nooope. Absolutely fucking not.”

 

“C'mon, please?” No response. “Karkaaat. You _know_ we're both stubborn, so if you keep this up we'll _never_ do it!”

 

“Which is why you should hurry up and give in.”

 

“Bluh.” John paused, thoughtful. “Okay, how about... we do it at the same time?”

 

“I don't think-”

 

John pulled on his best pair of puppy dog eyes which, okay, were ruddy adorable. Karkat maybe wouldn't mind if John made that face more often, or maybe all the time, that would work too. Using the expression to manipulate Karkat was just plain cruel though.

 

Cruel, but effective.

 

“...Fine.” Karkat stood up slowly, hoping to whatever higher being that John didn't notice the slight tremor coursing through him. The taller boy quickly bounced to his feet as well, looking surprised yet pleased.

 

“Okay! Um... how do we do this?”

 

“OKAY NO I'VE CHANGED MY MIND WE AREN'T DOING THIS.”

 

“Sorry, sorry!” John laughed, grabbing Karkat's hand to stop the shorter boy from absconding. He didn't seem to notice how Karkat tensed up at the contact. Goddammit, how dare this dorky, clumsy, beautiful boy have such an effect on him? It just wasn't fair. “Fine, fine, no references to Dave's comic during smoochy times, I get it!” He was still giggling. Karkat raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“ _Just_ during those times?”

 

“...You can't seriously expect me to never reference Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.”

 

“Try me.”

 

“Ugh, _fiiiiiiiine_. Only because your mouth is looking seriously tempting right now.” Spoiler alert! Karkat flushed _again_ , the slight smirk vanishing all at once.

 

“Oh my God.”

 

John let go of Karkat's wrist, only to gently cup the pale boys face in his hand. His smile softened into something shy, cautious, and the whole thing was just so bloody tender and Karkat could barely stand it. “Is it okay if I...?”

 

“ _Oh my God_.” This is happening, this is actually fucking _happening_. “Yes. God yes, _please_.” Oh God oh God John's nervous he's biting his lip he's leaning in he

 

He

 

Oh God

 

It's awkward and their teeth are clacking and their noses bumping and his lips are chapped and Karkat's hands are hanging awkwardly at his sides, they be doing something, but what, _what_ , it's Karkat's first kiss and it lasts about ten seconds and it is perfect.

 

It would've lasted longer, but it was then their teacher returned from the errand she was running.

 

“ _Ahem_.”

 

Oh, shit.

**Author's Note:**

> I also drew a picture of a scene from this, but again, it's a few months old, so it's awful and ugly don't click the link bluh bluh: http://zzzzzzzo.tumblr.com/post/65358897214/so-i-drew-fanart-for-my-own-fanfiction-yeahh  
> I started on another thing of when they kiss back then too, but I never finished it. If I ever do complete it, I'll put the link here ^^'


End file.
